I don't really want to talk about the last 3 months really. I just want to remember the past 4 years with my cat Gus Gus. I had lost my best friend middle of my junior year and I wasn't ready for a new cat to replace him. Mom insisted that we get a kitten, not to replace him but to help move on. In my mind, the answer was no. Until we walked into this crazy woman's house where the kittens ran wild. Immediately I found the one I wanted. He was the runt and black as night. This was going to be my new cat. But Mom had an orange tabby in her arms. He looked too much like Stewart. Just like him in fact. I pushed and fought to not bring this cat home. I didn't want it. This little black shadow in my arms was the one. I am my mother's daughter and neither side backed down. We ended up coming home with 2 kittens. An orange tabby, Gus Gus and my black shadow, Tinkerbell.
A week or so went by. Tink had fallen for Mom and Gus had become my friend. Odd how they just switched on us like that and yet, I don't think either of us minded. Soon Gus was following me around, helping me wash the dishes and clean my room. Tink was and always will be my stubborn cat. Gus just seemed to be everything I needed. Mom was right in the fact that these cats did help me move on after Stewart. Nothing can ever replace that cat. But Gus had a hold on my heart. 
He used to drive me crazy when he would get under my dresser and not come out for hours. Or how he would climb into my purse or backpack and look at me like he was ready to go with me. Or the many times he would dive into the garbage can to get the Qtip I just threw in there. Or how he would leave a toy in my shoe and push it all the way in so I couldn't see it. Or how I could never drink milk by myself. Or, Heaven forbid, I use a pen and paper without his help. 
He was always by my side. Silent as the night. Gus never spoke a word to me. Or to anyone in fact. I guess he just left all the talking to Tink who was the master. Lately he had started to meow here and there but it sounded more like a lion cub. It was odd to say the least.I thought we would have lost him quite of few times now. I'll be honest. I knew that when I got back from Hawai'i that he wouldn't be there waiting for me. But he was. He was sick but stubborn. Stubborn just like me. He fought all the way. Every single day. I was so proud of that silly little cat.
I didn't know this morning while we were eating breakfast that it was going to be our last. I didn't know that shower was the last time we would get cleaned up and dry off together. I didn't know I was going to have to say goodbye to him. It was a hard few hours but there was a moment when he looked up at me, rested his head in my hands and meowed to me. It was like he was saying 'Goodbye and I love you'. I hope I never forget that sound. I know I'll never forget him. He was my best friend. He let me cry on him. He never let me stay up by myself. Always at my feet watching TV or listening to my problems. I swear I told that cat everything. And I did everything with him too. He would wait for me to come home from work, or the store or a friends house. He would walk behind me to the dining room where I would kick of my shoes and he would inspect them from monsters. From there to the kitchen. A little chicken for him, a little snack for me and to the couch we would go. It didn't matter what we watched on TV, he would always be right there. 
It was hard to hold him as he fought to breathe today. I just have to keep reminding myself of all the good times and maybe I'll be ok. Tink knows something happened but I'm not sure if he totally understands yet. I know this must sound insane. And maybe it is. But that cat meant the world to me. To me Gus Gus seemed more human than most people I know. He always cared about me, and I him. I'm not sure what to do without him by my side. I'm going to miss him so much.
