Remember that scene in Bruce Almighty when he is driving down the road begging for a sign from God and the truck in front of him is basically throwing signs at him? Well I had that moment today...
I've kinda been seeing this guy lately. Nothing totally serious but something was truly there until both sets of our roommates started to annoy us with questions about when we were getting married, my ring size and 'The Date' which really made us panic and so we agreed on taking a step back. I was ok with this agreement, no it was not my ideal plan but it just seemed to feel right.
Within in days of this agreement he had a new girl on his arm at the ward activities and when she was distracted he would come over and be all lovey-dovey with me. I wont lie, this broke my heart. But I did my best to be strong and I prayed every night that he would come back to me. I had become so used to him making me lunch and dinner every day, to him calling me first thing in the morning,to spend my every waking moment with him, to calling him and listening to him talk while I fell asleep, that I did not know what to do with myself. Days would go by without a word from him. Then one Sunday I spoke in church (for the first time ever might I add) and BAM!! he was at my side, holding my hand, parading me around after sacrament, talking with my family, it was just insane. And then another week would go by without even a text from him. I did my best to not fall for him every time he decided he had time for me. It didn't always work...ok fine...it never worked...
Then my home teacher asked me on a date which was an awkward idea but I went along with it. Hours before the date I found out that it was a double date with him. My family has been going through some pretty awful trials lately and this was my breaking point. I could not go on this date and watch him flirt with some other girl while I was stuck with my sweet -but awkward- home teacher. I called my poor home teacher and told him I had a family emergency and left.
That Saturday was our monthly free breakfast at my complex. Both my home teacher and him were fighting for my attention. Even to the point of trying to put food in my mouth as if I was a baby. Thankfully my roommates had my back and helped me shun both guys. When I had finally hit the point of no return I stood up with my roommates to leave when my other (yes, I know it's really confusing) asked me how my family was doing and if I was ok. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes, whether for my heartbreak for him or my family I don't know. All I knew was I made an awfully, stupid squeak sound, turned, and ran out of the clubhouse.
The next night, Sunday, I couldn't do it anymore. My life was in turmoil and I needed a blessing. But I had no one I could really feel like I could ask... except for him. So I did it. 11:30 at night I texted him asking for a blessing and before I knew he was calling me. I did my best to get myself under control before I answered but the second I said Hello he knew I was crying and ran over to my apartment. 2 minutes later we were sitting on my couch with me crying my eyes out to him. He held me for the longest time, saying everything I needed to hear, being everything I ever wanted. He promised that first thing in the morning he and his roommate would give me a blessing. I swear, he was crying just as hard as I was.
Time for the blessing finally rolled around. It really helped so much, those 2 guys were everything I needed. But it was a battle to not allow my feelings for him to return.
Another week goes by without a word. And with all my free time I have found out some dirty little secrets about him and some other girls in the ward. By this time I am past any emotion for him and I am determined to move on.
You see, to back-track, there was this guy that I had a minor crush on since the day he moved into the ward late July. No matter what I did, how hard I tried, or the dress I wore to church, I never really had his attention. We had joked about going on a date but nothing ever came from it until today after Sunday School when he TOLD me we were going on a date this Thursday and that he would be at my door at 7 for mini golf. Let's just say I am still in shock.
TONIGHT at ward prayer this guy, Tyler, that has finally noticed me barely even spoke to me. And the main guy in this story came up and asked me how I am doing. I completely shrugged him off, I really did not want to talk to him about any of it. Then he asked me (because he is a film major at BYU and is beyond talented) if I would be his main girl in the next movie he is shooting. He said he needed a 'beautiful, red carpet kind of girl'. So I asked him when he was filming because let's face it, I have feelings for him and cannot say no. He said Thursday night at 7. I'm not kidding when I say Tyler's head popped up and he was staring at me just waiting for me to answer. He looked kind of scared to be honest. That's when I told him that I had plans and Tyler took a very needed breath. He hugged me, told me to have a good week and walked away.
Is this my huge truck full of warning signs telling me to move on? Am I this stubborn for my boy drama to get this bad? Should I just date outside my ward from now on?
Don't answer that.
