Sickness

No, it's not the Swine Flu again.  It's not a cold, not the allergies, not anything like that.

To be honest.  I'm not sure what it is.  I swear I nearly died during the Ragnar race this past weekend.  I was offered the chance for an IV but I knew if I took it I couldn't finish the race, my legs would be given to the rest of the team to run.  I couldn't do that. Not to them.  They were doing everything they could, I couldn't add to that.

I worked my butt off my senior year at MATC just knowing that I would get a job faster then I could blink my eyes.  I have now applied for over 20 different jobs.  I have yet to even have a single interview.  My mom keeps finding new jobs for me, keeps getting so happy she can't stop smiling.  And every time I sit on the couch all day long for weeks on end staring at the phone praying to God that it just might ring.  Every time the phone stays silent.  Every time I feel like I let my mom down.  That I some how have failed her yet again. 

Now hush, I know I haven't really failed her like that, that in our world it doesn't matter what you know, just who you know.  And even if you know some of the right people, they just can't afford to hire someone new.

I was in orchestra for countless years in school.  I tried so hard at first to be the best.  To make everyone proud of me.  To prove I could do something good.  And after some time it hit me that there were other kids that we just better than me.  That I could never be as good as them.  By the time we were in high school I had completely given up, I didn't even try anymore.

I just feel sick all the time.  Not barfing, running nose, headaches.  No, not like that.  It's more like no matter how hard I try, how hard I work for a race, how good I make my resume look, how much I practice that it just doesn't matter.  No one notices, no one cares.  The only time anyone cares is when I let them down.  It's hard.  I don't like it.  I know in time it will all be better.  That everything works out in the end.  I just hate this in between thing going on here. 
I just need a cure to this sickness.

Ragnar 2010

We did it! We actually did it!  And I believe (ask Alex to be sure) that we did the entire Ragnar Race in 30(ish) hours!!!  How awesome is that?!  Pretty awesome!  It was a crazy race.  A horrible, hot, draining, stupid race.  But the team did amazing!  I'm so proud of them all!  Alex has done it now 3 times, and everyone else in the photo, well, it was all our first time!  I honestly don't know if I'll do it again. But I'm so happy that I did do it this year!  It was a great two days and when we weren't running it was a lot of fun!  So many good memories!!!  Now.... for an ice bath........

Snowbird

The cool air resting on your skin, the smell of chlorine from the pool below, squeals of delights from the little ones, the crash of the cart in the door way, beds being jumped upon, the fridge getting stocked for the week, bags and clothes thrown in every possible direction, someone crying from being stuck in the stairs again, soft pillows flying through the air like missiles, warmth escaping from the fireplace, swimsuits being pulled from a bag and racing to be the first to the bathroom, sunscreen lathered skin, the ice machine roaring to life in the hallway, a moment of silence? please?, kids ready to go swim, no swimming 'till the morning, many temper tantrums, calls for the beds and blankets, TV blaring upstairs, oven heating a cold pizza, night engulfing everything and everyone, soft snores slink down the stairs, finally a moment of peace, a bad dream, every one's up, hours trickle by, peace once again, the sun winking awake, moans of stiffness, milk and cereal being poured, searching for a small place to crash, screams of happiness ringing in every one's ears, swimsuits being pulled out once again, diving competitions, more sunscreen, kids everywhere, cold feet run up the cement stairs, hearing the boulders crash in the water all day long, ding ding, the smell of food, a race to the plates, porcupine coming over to visit, and repeat. Race down the mountain, throw the stinky clothes in the wash and rest for the morning to come, camel pack on, bandanna check, hop in the jeep, hike our mountain, chill on top, the sun warming our skin, a deep breathe, finally some time to relax, soggy homemade sandwiches, cold water and hike back down. Pack the clean clothes, leg muscles crying out in pain, gas up the car, drive up the canyon, back in the room, smells from the beginning of week tickle the senses, pictures from New York being passed around, race to get to the pool, feet dragging down the stairs, complaints raise from the girls, cold cement, warm water, rain playing games in the water, fog rolling down into the pool, squeals of delight, cedar wood fills the air, hot air filling the lungs, suits and hair dry out, hot pizza calling our names from 3 floors above, hearty laughs, moments of silence, true happiness finally found, sun falling asleep in the fog, moon nowhere to be seen, snores and peace tickle the air, hours slinking to the past, light forcing it's way through the clouds, cries of sadness, everything  packed, everything cleaned, bags hauled up and out, the cars warming up below, the slam of the door, the cool air begging you to stay, goodbye hugs until next year.

Be safe.

I'm not sure what to say. I don't know how to word this. But I do know that life isn't fair. God works in some hard ways. And sometimes, life is made so much harder then needs be.
Late last week I got some very hard news and I wont share the details but I feel like this story needs to told, to be warned to others.
A good friend of mine that I haven't spoken to in far too long was injured. You see, his mom and my mom were great friends growing up and it just so happened that they both had kids only months apart. Therefore we became friends. And good friends too. But he lived in Orem, I in Springville. Sports became a part of his life as orchestra and running became mine. Time and space grew between us.
Last Thursday my mom got a call from his mom. She was in tears and could barely speak. Some weeks before my friend and his father needed a break and headed to the Dunes for the weekend. They were smart, they were protected. But that still wasn't enough.
He crashed.
He is paralyzed. For life. His spine is crushed and gone, now replaced with two rods. He will never walk again. Never be able to serve a mission. Never have kids. He didn't deserve this. No one does. I'm begging you all who read this. Whatever you do, please be safe. Think before you do something. And if you feel like maybe it isn't the best idea, maybe you shouldn't do it. You never know what could happen, what could be changed, what could possibly end.
I don't ever want this to happen to anyone else. So please, biking, four wheeling, skiing, whatever it is that you do, please be safe. Think before. Not after.
His life will never be the same. Nor will his family.