maybe....somehow..

hmmmmm......
how to start this blog.
i guess first i should apologize, i haven't had the time to blog these past few weeks.  honestly not much has happened.  so don't feel left out, k?
for reals though.
things have been odd lately.
i'm more confused now then ever.  i've never had the desire really to get married or even *shudder* have kids.  maybe in time that will change but my whole life i've been fine with living my life alone. 
you see, i'm one of......2 ....i believe at work that aren't married.  and the other one just called off her wedding so does she really count in the tally?  idk.  anyway.  everyone i talk to asks about my love life, or maybe they don't ask, but you can just see it in their eyes.  it always reads the same. 
i always stood my ground.  marriage was not in my plans.
not ever.
but maybe.....
hobby lobby is close to some colleges meaning we get a lot of boys out on 'the hunt'  and somehow.... i get all the weird ones.... i've actually begun to wear a fake engagement ring but lately i've transferred to my mom's past engagement ring.  it's seemed to help in the way of making the boys go away but it's seemed that my heart maybe changing.  i see these amazing couples walking the aisles holding hands and being all lovey dovey.  it used to make me gag.  now i find myself staring at them, daydreaming of what may be for my life.  i listen to my friends at work talk about their loved one and i start to long for what they have.  now i know it's not all butterflies and happiness every single moment but atleast there is someone to hold you close when you're lost.  is that so bad to want? have i had a change of heart?
everyone around me is in love.  everyone has a hand to hold. and i feel so confused.  once upon a time noone needed to hold my hand for i could handle everything on my own, by myself.  i can still handle my life...
but i would like someone to call my own.