maybe....somehow..

hmmmmm......
how to start this blog.
i guess first i should apologize, i haven't had the time to blog these past few weeks.  honestly not much has happened.  so don't feel left out, k?
for reals though.
things have been odd lately.
i'm more confused now then ever.  i've never had the desire really to get married or even *shudder* have kids.  maybe in time that will change but my whole life i've been fine with living my life alone. 
you see, i'm one of......2 ....i believe at work that aren't married.  and the other one just called off her wedding so does she really count in the tally?  idk.  anyway.  everyone i talk to asks about my love life, or maybe they don't ask, but you can just see it in their eyes.  it always reads the same. 
i always stood my ground.  marriage was not in my plans.
not ever.
but maybe.....
hobby lobby is close to some colleges meaning we get a lot of boys out on 'the hunt'  and somehow.... i get all the weird ones.... i've actually begun to wear a fake engagement ring but lately i've transferred to my mom's past engagement ring.  it's seemed to help in the way of making the boys go away but it's seemed that my heart maybe changing.  i see these amazing couples walking the aisles holding hands and being all lovey dovey.  it used to make me gag.  now i find myself staring at them, daydreaming of what may be for my life.  i listen to my friends at work talk about their loved one and i start to long for what they have.  now i know it's not all butterflies and happiness every single moment but atleast there is someone to hold you close when you're lost.  is that so bad to want? have i had a change of heart?
everyone around me is in love.  everyone has a hand to hold. and i feel so confused.  once upon a time noone needed to hold my hand for i could handle everything on my own, by myself.  i can still handle my life...
but i would like someone to call my own.

small miracles

ever had one of those days that everything goes wrong?  where all you want to do is sit down in a nice dark little corner and cry?  where you would give everything you've ever had just to stop the day? today was one of those.  but i must say, i must be growing. must be turning into someone......better....  because everytime something happened that was not in my favor something else also happened.  something that made me smile. even if it was a small smile.
last night Craig (my supervisor in framing) gave me a list of things to get done today.
1. condense the clearance aisle to 2 panels for the new frames
2. unpack the 145 boxes in the back room into carts
3. get all the frames up on the clearance aisle and then to the top caps that are available
*have done by 5 pm*
 it took me 3 hours to condense that aisle.  only to find out from my boss that HE didn't want it done and that i needed to re stretch it out. O_o  a few minutes later...crash.. a frame fell off the shelf and shattered.  as i cleaned up the mess....yup....split my finger open. bled all of the floor.  i cleaned up the even bigger mess and as i came back to the aisle i look up.  there's Cathy, my most awesome cousin, just waiting for me to notice her.  i took a break and laughed with her for a few minutes.  it was so good!
after that i headed back to the backroom to keep working on those stupid boxes.  those boxes made me sick or something.  some of the boxes where covered in black mold.  i washed my hands all the time but as time went on i started to get sicker.  i was almost throwing up, i couldn't see straight, i just felt... wrong.  i took a break and started to feel better.  just then Mylan walks up to me, "Good mornin Little Miss!"  i just looked at him, "You alright My?"  "Why of course Little One!"  "But you just said, 'mornin'.....it's past 3!"  "Yes, i know, but it's morning somewhere right?!"  i couldn't help but smile.  and he even came to help me go through the boxes. :D
and the best part of the day?  my shift was over.  i was walking out the door.  stress in the form of tears left my body. i had lost it.  long day, too much stress and i didn't even finish the list that Craig left for me.  and right there, just waiting for me, my mom.  what an amazing thing.
more little things like that happened through out the day but i wont bore you with those stories.  i guess i'm just trying to say that the darker the night, the brighter the stars shine.  even the faintest light can be blinding.

sleep

Doesn't she look amazing?  The simple smile and the total comfort around her.

Every night is 8 perfect hours of amazing sleep.

Is this my life?

No.

Right about now that sounds pretty amazing.  I get up at 5, at work by 6:45, clock in just before 7 and finally clock out long past 7.  It makes for a long day.  And it's not like I'm sitting in an office staring at a computer all day.  I'm on my feet, running from one end of the store to the other and carrying a buttload of crap.  The only time I get to sit down is at break and lunch.  And because this job is so hard and demanding many people have quit.  We're down to 30 people now, new hires coming in every other day.  Do you know how annoying they are?!?!  They sit and complain to me how tired they are, how much they hurt and how mad they are at Teddy.  Pardon me?  What did you just say?  Let me slap you and then you can try again!  Sound good?  I think so! 

Let's just get some things clear, ok?  You don't complain to someone who has been working over 2 weeks longer than you.  Someone who has done a lot harder work than what you're doing.  You don't complain about Teddy to ANYONE but your best friend at work.  Just keep your mouth shut.  And don't you dare complain about getting the shitty jobs.  Guess what, you've been working for TWO DAYS!!!!  YOU DON'T KNOW HOW THINGS WORK AND WE'RE GIVING YOU JOBS YOU CAN'T SCREW UP!!! (which somehow, they still do....) And the final thing, I'm not your BFF, I'm not your psychiatrist, nor your bishop.  Don't tell me your life story, I don't care.  Don't tell me your problems and sins, I'm not going to comfort you.  I don't like you.  If I liked you, we'd be having lunch together and helping each other out during the day.  But we aren't.  So go away. 

I know I'm sounding cold hearted here.  And I'd apologize but I don't think I really can...  I've gotten along with most of the people at work.  But all the new hires are driving me crazy.  I just want to work.  I want to get everything done that Teddy and Marty want me to do.  Not follow around these newbies and making sure they are doing everything the right way.  Most importantly, I don't want to get yelled at by Teddy. 

Maybe if I knew for sure that I had the job my temper would be better.  That I could put up with these people.  But I don't know.  And if these newbies get the job and not me.  There may be bloodshed. 

Ok, not really.  But it's only fair that the 30ish of us that have been working since the very first day, today being only our second day off, actually get the job.  Not these people who have been working for 2 days that are doing all these easy jobs.

Maybe I should just go back to bed and sleep for more than 4 hours.  Yeah, that sounds pretty good.  I wont look like the lady in the pic above, but maybe I wont bite anyones head off....

....maybe....

huh?

I'm tired.
I hurt.
The muscles in my body wont move.
My hands are still bleeding.
All the blisters on my feet have popped.
Why am I doing all this?
Oh yeah, I'm getting paid!!

I should maybe explain, huh?
I got a job at Hobby Lobby.  I work every single day from 7 to 7 until October 18th when we open.  I started Tuesday and man, I'm tired.
I've built shelves and walls and board things, and pegs and everything else I swear. So now the place is looking like a store. YAY!  But we aren't done.  Now it's time to stock all the shelves that I spent that last few days cleaning. 
Some random things about work to tell.
I have many nicknames.  Here are a few....
"Expert"  > the first few days no one could remember anyones name.  I was the one who knew how to do everything so everyone would just shout EXPERT!!! And I would come and help.
"Diamonds" > a few of the girls think my eyes look like diamonds, so yeah...it's kinda weird...
"Mike" > a girl I'm now friends with, Chani, was walking behind me saying, "Hi....Hi....Hi....Hi..." but I heard "Mike...Mike...Mike..." (who is the boss's boss) and I was like, that's not me...
"Holli" > Yesterday we got our numbers that we punch into the computer for our time card.  There was no way on this Earth that I could've remembered it so I wrote it on my arm.  Every one said I looked like a Holocaust survivor.  But that was too long, so it's Holli. O_o
And my favorite...
"Muscles" >  Sean is my buddy!  Even though he nailed my finger to the wall....long story.  ANYWAY!  I was carrying a 70lb box and Sean saw me and called me Muscle Woman.  So now when he needs me to help him carry something he just yells Muscles.

The first day Lani wore a pedometer.  She worked from 11 to 7 and walked a total of 6.8 miles.  That same day I worked 7 to 7. I wonder how much more I walked...

I've only broken 2 panels of glass in 5 days!!  Isn't that happy?  Well, not for my bleeding hands.....BUT atleast I haven't broken as many as every one else!!!!

I LOST 5 LBS IN 5 DAYS!!!!  OK, now THAT IS HAPPY!!!  :DDD

The boss, Perry, said I'm one of his favorite people out of 70ish others!

And the best news?  MY FIRST CHECK IS GOING TO BE OVER 700 DOLLARS!!!!!!  tee hee :D



But I'm tired.  And nothing is really making sense at this moment so I'm going back to bed....  If any of you are bored at anytime during the day, any day feel free to text me!

Flour Power

Today my leg started to feel better.  By better I mean, able to stand for some amounts of time.  (wow, this is starting to sound like a mlia post...)  But for reals, my mom has been awesome!  She's getting me everything I need or want so I don't have to move to much.  I've felt kinda bad about though.  I mean cha!  It was awesome the first day but soon after my butt became part of the couch and tv shows aren't worth watching all day and all night long.  I can feel what is left of my life draining into the couch.  So to repay my mom for the past few days and for more to come I baked some cookies for her! YAY FLOUR POWER!

So yeah, Mom got flowers today! ;)

OH!  Speaking of which!  The Asbell's brought me the most beautiful flower yesterday!  Take a look!Now isn't that just the purdiest thing you ever saw?  It makes me happy!  Thank you so much Breanna and family! Love ya guys!

pain

I attempted to run a marathon this past Saturday. I have been training for months for this. I was totally ready. Yeah, I was scared out of my mind. But the more I talked to Breanna and Tairsa the better I felt.
And when we were standing at the top of the canyon surrounded by all those people I was so pumped for this! The gun went off. The mass of people started moving. This was it!!
Running with Breanna was a lot of fun! But I kinda started faster then I'm used to and I knew I had to slow down. So I said Later to her and slowed my pace. When I got the right speed I felt good again! And by mile 2 1/2 I had started talking to my Dad. You may think I'm crazy but talking to him really helps me and that's what I usually do when I run. Under my breath I whispered how I wished he was here to see me and out of nowhere I heard this "Good morning beautiful!" I turned to see this Tongan guy behind me just smiling. His name is Kelly. Or Kellie, I'm not sure how to spell it. He was my speed and man, I must say we were a power team!!! We were slow but steady and slowly passing people. We talked about everything! I swear I know him better then most of my friends! ;)
For almost eight miles we stuck together just laughing and trading running tips. He seriously is awesome! And I'll be looking for him next year!
We had just passed mile ten when my hip started to feel really tight. I was starting to limp. Started to run slower and slower. I told Kelly(ie) to keep going and that I would catch up in a few minutes. He didn't want to leave but I told him I would be fine and so he kept going. I kicked my leg a few times and started to run again. It was slower then my normal pace. Nothing really felt right. Every now and then it felt like a rubber band being stretched too far, it would snap and the pain would go away. So I would pick up my pace and keep going. Before I knew it the pain was so bad that I had to walk. I told myself that I would be OK to walk the rest of the race. It would be better then pulling out. My walking got even slower and every other time I would pick up my left leg pain would shoot through my leg. I would have to just stand there until the pain went away enough that I could put my foot back on the ground and keep going.
By mile 13 I was done. I was doing serious damage and I had to stop. I talked to the EMT people and before I had even finished telling them about my pain they rolled their eyes and handed me a caffeine pill. They sprayed my leg when I refused to take the pill. They called in my number and DQed me. I sat down on the side of the road and started to cry.

The pain was horrible. But I have never not finished a race. The pain in failing was killing me. A sweet volunteer lady came over with a banana and water and sat with me. She gave me a hug and talked to me until I finally had enough control to stop crying. A friend that I had made earlier during the race was just coming up. I told her what happened, that my mom was only a mile away, that I wasn't going to be able to finish. A car was coming up for me in 20 minutes. My race was over. Just when the tears were starting to come back a girl came running up and passed out a few feet behind me. Jen smiled, grabbed my arm and pulled me up. She said this was my chance and we started walking down the canyon again. I called my mom on Jen's cell and told her everything. My pride had been seriously wounded enough. I was not going to be shipped off in some car. I couldn't finish the race but I was going to walk to my mom. The physical pain wasn't going to stop me from walking off with whatever pride I had left.

I waddled all the way to my mom.
I cried all day too. The physical pain I could deal with, the pain in not finishing was the worst I've felt.
I've been diagnosed with Tendonosis which is little tiny tears in the tendon. The only treatment is rest, ice and pain killers.
My running season is over for the year. In about 4 months my tendon will be healed and in 6 months I can start running again.
This will be a long 6 months......

My Daddy

April 6 1919 the best man to walk this Earth was born.
September 7 1999 Heaven welcomed home a truly amazing soul.

My life has had some pretty hard trials and problems thrown in my face but I am honored to know that my Daddy chose to love me.  He could've turned his back on me just like my real father did when I was only two years old.  But my Daddy (my Moms Dad) opened up his arms and heart for me.  He became every meaning of the word Dad for me. 
He helped raise me.  He taught me important lessons and made me into the person I am today.  He made me stand when I wanted to fall.  He made me laugh when I was crying.  And he taught me things can and will get better.  He never taught me by sitting me down and telling me words, he taught me by living and doing all these things himself.
I know how to treat animals and how to take care of them.  He showed me how.  Daddy always said that all animals were sent here by God to help us.  To remind us to be kind and that we are never alone in times of need. 
He taught me to be brave.  To stand and be proud of what I believe.  He alone faced Hell many times, going to war and seeing things no one should have ever seen.  But he knew he had to, he knew he had to protect his family and friends and country.  Which he did. 
His health wasn't the best in his last years and I can't even imagine how hard it was for him.  But he always smiled and tried to look to the brighter side of things.  I can remember going to his hospital room every day after school.  Some days he was doing good but some days weren't the best.  I can remember the family outside talking to the doctor while I sat on his lap.  Before I could even start to worry about him he would give me missions.  To sneak down to the 'Bar' and get us Popsicles.  Red for him, green for me.  Or candy.  Always Milky Way bars.  I would wait for my chance and go get our snacks and carefully eat them with him before we got caught.
Dad loved jokes and pranks.  I think he was the worst in the family for doing stuff like that.  When he wasn't in the hospital sometimes we would go to Brick Oven, our favorite place to eat.  I can remember he had to order water or diet drinks because of his diabetes.  I always got Pepsi or 7 up because he always told me Pepsi ran through my veins (he tried Pepsi for the first time during the war.  He wrote home to my Grandma saying he had 'tasted heaven').  I would go to the bathroom after ordering and I would come back to an empty glass and Dad telling me that our waiter brought it like that.  How odd....  It happened every time we went out, no matter what restaurant....Hmmmm.....
People used to ask me why I was such a picky eater, that I didn't like the best kinds of food.  My answer?  "Cuz Daddy says I don't like it.  He always eats it for me so I don't have to!  I love my Daddy!!" 
We used to have a cherry tree in my back yard.  It was huge and cherries always filled the lawn.  I don't remember where my mom and grandma were but I can tell you Dad and I were always sitting on the corner of the deck.  I would pick the cherries, open them to see if they had worms and if they didn't I would hand them to him.  He would eat them and I would keep picking.  We would sit there for hours on end.  Just the two of us.  He taught me that if you talked while a dragon fly buzzed around it would come to your face and stitch your mouth shut.  I never talked in the back yard again!
He used to have an old tractor that we used to ride together before Sunday dinners.  I would sit on his lap and drive in circles.  My hands would be pitch black and we would laugh as I would run to mom screaming that my hands were frost bitten!  And after dinner he would always put me and Elliott in the bucket and do the "Homemade Rollercoaster''.  We would giggle all night long together.
He taught me fairy tales can come true.  But just sitting wishing on a star wont do a thing.  You have to go out and make your dreams come true.
He showed me the Princess in the mountains and how she always pointed me home if I ever got lost.  And how to tell time by the sun and shadows.  We would play in the apple trees where my childhood was spent when we weren't in the hospital with him.
He taught me that family always comes first.  Over friends and work and health.  Family, no matter how frustrating, is the most important thing in this life.  I remember Grandparents day in Kindergarten.  Mrs. Hilton sent home papers saying if you couldn't make it that day to please call and arrange a time to come so everyone could have their grandparents there.  I knew Dad was in the hospital again and I knew, I understood that he couldn't come.  I would just go after school and give him the necklace I made him.  I knew Ed and Gloria would come though (Richard's parents that live about 2 blocks away from my house).  I sat in my chair looking out over the back of the school just waiting.  And before I really knew what I was doing I had bolted out the door and was running across the grass.  There was my Daddy in his wheelchair being pushed along by mom and grandma.  He made the doctors let him leave because family always comes first.  Ed had decided to go golfing instead and Gloria ''couldn't come without Ed''.
We spent every Christmas at his house.  I remember waking up at 4 in the morning and getting everyone up then going to help Dad get up, get dressed and in his wheelchair and then sitting in his chair in the front room.  Grandma and I made breakfast for Dad and Baue (the family dog).  Milk poured into a bowl with honey and torn up pieces of bread.  Dad wouldn't eat his until Baue had her bowl too.  Then they would eat while I opened my presents and fell asleep again on Dads lap.
My life was spent by his side and I don't regret a moment of it.
He was there at my baptism. July 31 1999. I could see he was fading but I made him promise that he had to walk me down the aisle at my wedding.  With his promise I knew he would be ok and we would get through this just like we have the past few years.
September 7 1999 My mom picked me up from school and with the look on her face I knew what had happened.  I went to the hospital for my Daddy for the last time.  I cried for months and years on end.
Before he had passed he told me that when I ever missed him to look up for the clouds.  He would be up there making them just for me and then the time would come and we would make clouds together for the rest of time.  Together forever. 
I may not be able to sit on his lap anymore.  I may not be able to feel his whiskery chin on my face.  I will not get the chance to wrap myself up in his warm arms again.  But his life story and everything he has taught me will be carried on in my life.  My kids and their kids will know him and every little thing he has done for me. 
11 years.  Amazing how it can feel just like yesterday.

I am Daddy's Little Girl.
Harry J. Hancock is my Daddy.
I love my Daddy

men.

I don't like men. I don't like boys.
No, I'm not gay.
But the male is the stupidest creation I have ever seen.
Story....
So my fam and I have been going to the Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat over at Payson.  I've been 5 times now and Monday is the last day.  Since the first showing I kinda maybe sorta fell for one of the guys in the cast.  We smiled and laughed at each other during the performances and after I would always walk over, say hi and yeah...  Then 2 nights ago I went with my cousin who i love to death.  She picked up on my feelings and we talked about everything I just told you.  She then proceeded to run out after the show and find him and say hi and 'introduce' us.  Yes, gotta love family.  She made me go home that night and add him on fb.  I did and he accepted.  Hello cloud 9!!!  So tonight I go and guess what?!  He ignored me!!!!  What?!  I know... I was kinda confused...
And there is this other guy that is drop dead handsome.  So I stared at him for the night! ;)  After as I was leaving with my Grandma I just said Hi and started to walk away.  He then grabbed my hand and pulled me into a hug.  He said how I better be there Monday and I told him that I heard it was sold out.  He was like "Well, let me work this out!" and we kept talking/flirting for a bit until my Grandma was ready to leave.  I went home and looked him up of fb.... He is 35 AND MARRIED WITH 6 KIDS!!!!!!! : /
And then (yes I know you must be rolling your eyes but I'm confused and need to vent) this boy in it, Benjamin, is kinda cute and all night he was smiling at me and kinda getting a dazed look on his face.  Then the first boy I told you about -added on fb and then totally ignored- would walk over to him and flick his ear ON THE STAGE INFRONT OF EVERYONE!!!!! and then he would walk back over  to his place on stage and continue on with the dance or whatever was going on at the moment.
I'm so confused.
Why can't guys be somewhat understandable?  I'm not asking to be able to read their minds -Don't really want to know what goes on in there...-
I'm not asking that they spill all their feelings and emotions.
I'm not asking much.  Just that they stop confusing me and just say to my face "Hi, I think you're cute!'' or "Hi. and Goodbye.''
Is that so much to ask for?

So far....

This life is about learning.  Learning who we are and what it is we are meant to do. 
When I was struggeling in school my mom sat me down and we talked about what was wrong.  I was a teenager.  I knew everything.  Therefore I couldn't understand why I was failing.  That's when we realized my problem.  I was going through the motions, sitting in class and listening to every word the teachers said... but I wasn't taking notes.  I just knew everything, ya know?  But when I started taking notes my grades improved.  So I've continued that idea into daily life.  I like to look back on the past few months alone and see what I've learned.  Some are quotes, lyrics, stories, lessons and maybe a few random things.  This is my blog after all, a little sight into my mind, where random things roam free and live happily ever after!
So far I've learned....

When you feel like there is no path before you that you want to take just close your eyes, step forward and make a new path.

Life is not fair.  For anyone.

If it makes you happy, do it.

Kids are blessings, even if they never stop asking ''Why?''

When you feel like you're all alone in the world realize there is someone who knows your pain.  And when you think you don't stand out on the planet, remember You are the only You there was, is, or will ever be.

Don't give you heart to a boy who won't give you a page in his life story.

"When we learn how to fly we forget how to walk.  When we learn how to sing we don't want to hear each other talk."  Train

The easy road and the right road are hardly ever on the same continet.

If you ever wonder if you should shut your mouth then shut it.

People may look at you and say you're on the wrong path.  And for them, you are.  But you're NOT them and you just might be on the best path of your life!

"The reason for time is so everything doesn't happen at the same time"  Einstein

You can hate a man all your life and in a single moment change your heart about him and trust him for as long as you'll live.

Writing missionaires is the best thing in the world!

Marathons, Relays, and Ragnar maybe be hard as hell and you might want to die in the middle of them but when you look back and see what you've done, you can't help but at least smile...  And then collapse on the couch and die.

You'll meet the most awesome people in the strangest of places.

Yes, that was Tim McGraw 20 ft in front of you and yes, you did get to hug Apolo Ohno!

There are times, places and people in your life that you just have to walk away from and never look back.

Family.  It's ok to want to strangle them every now and then.....

Books are the best get a ways.

Edward Cullen is a creeper.

Eating a 14 Oz bad of Skittles will make you sick.

Sometimes, maybe, you should let your mom win in a Mario Kart Race.  Your life will be better that way.

Something Learned, Something to Share

Last Saturday I went with my cousin to Charlie St. Cloud!  It was the BEST movie ever!!!  And I'm proud to claim that I did not, I repeat, did NOT cry!  But there was something in that movie that hit me hard.  And the odd thing is, it didn't hit me until today...
Sunday Dinner.  Every Sunday. Happens whether you want it to or not. 
And see, I'm 19.  I'm not a kid anymore.  I want  to talk to the 'Adults'.  I want to hold my drink after dinner in the 'Circle' and discuss what's going on in the world and our lives.  I've wanted this for as long as I remember.  And just when it seems like I've been somewhat Allowed and welcomed my little 9 year old cousin, Izzy, comes bouncing up to me, pulling my legs, my arms, anything that she can move.  Pulling out the puppy dog eyes and begging me to take her to the park.  (There's a park 1/4 of a mile from my Grandma's house and 2 parks about a mile down the road.)  Sometimes I do take her but most of the time I roll my eyes and try to think of a reason not to take her.  There are dinners that I would do just about anything then to take her to the park. 
I'm an adult.  And adults don't play at the park.
I push her off, give her something else to do and join back into the "Circle'.
But today when those brown puppy dog eyes were bouncing in front of my face a scene from Charlie St. Cloud popped in my head.  (SPOILER ALERT)  I could see Sammy's face with the tears streaming down in quiet little rivers and Charlie (Zac Efron) looking at him, looking at his little brother that is dead because Charlie didn't want to spend the evening with him, that he would much rather go to a party with his friends.  All Sammy wanted was a little time every day to be with Charlie.  To learn to play baseball and just maybe bond with his cool big bro.  It was such a small stupid thing to Charlie but it meant the world to Sammy. 
It would mean to world to Izzy. 
We never know how much time we have here on this Earth.  Never know when something could change everything we know.  So I took her to the park.  She wanted to play "Boss Tag''.  And to be honest I didn't.  But as we were walking and she was talking a hundred miles a minute I couldn't help but smile.  Maybe I was missing out with the 'Adults' but I would be missing out on a lot more with these special moments with Izzy if I stayed behind. 
We ended up playing for a good hour, maybe two.  I really don't know.  What I do know is that we did have a good time!  We had fun and I learned a lot just talking to her.  As we were walking back she was holding my hand and asked if we could do this every Sunday.  Just me and her.  No adults. No siblings. No kids.  I couldn't help but to say yes.  I love that little girl.  Even if she does drive me crazy.
Even if when I turn my back for ten minutes for a drink of water she and Mari get sap stuck in their hair and we spend the rest of the evening getting it out...

Special moments

Yesterday was my little cousin's baby blessing. Most of the fam showed up! It was awesome! But it was also early. I was so tired!! Mari (who is 7) was sitting next to me playing with my friendship bracelets and I was doing everything in my power to just stay awake when all of the sudden my arm was being lifted. Mari climbed up onto my lap and snuggled into my arms. I know it sounds stupid but a rush of emotion hit me! She rested her head in the hollow of my neck and whispered that she liked the sound of my heart beat. I just pulled her in tight and rested my face in her hair. I was no longer tired, no longer stressed, no longer upset with my family. It was truly amazing! Little kids are a blessing if you're willing to open up to them.

Family

My Family.

I love them.  I really do.  But there are times that I would just like to push a few of them off a cliff.  Is that so bad? 

This past Tuesday was my Grandma's 88th birthday.  She is the oldest of 4 sisters, the other 3 are Afton, Myrl and Barbra.  Everyone in all 4 families know this was the last time these sisters would all be together here on Earth so we have been doing things almost every night so they could spend time together.  We went the the Music Man Friday night, Ira Allen park for music and and fireworks Saturday, dinner with everyone on Sunday, I honestly can't remember Monday, went up the canyon and had a bonfire for Tuesday, FINALLY a break on Wednesday and a very awkward lunch yesterday.

This blog is my venting place and this week has consisted of some frustrations so here it all comes, you ready?

The Music Man was horrible (I'm sorry if you know anyone in it....) but the acting was worse then the middle school's performances, they cut out so much of the real play so they could fumble around the stage and worse of all it was at Maple Mtn. High.  I know, horrifying! Barbra was not there, she can't leave the house, so it was my mom and I, my grandma, Myrl, Afton and her daughter, Jana (who is my mom's age, they are super good friends and their son, Blake is my age so we all kinda grew up together) and Jana's amazing husband, Lyle.  It was all I could do to keep my eyes open!  As you all probably know, my grandma had a very bad stroke a while ago and several minor since therefore she is blunt, vocal, and doesn't really have manners among other things. She usually gets on my nerves daily but with Myrl and Afton there it was worse.  Those three couldn't contain themselves and in every silent moment they were discussing what they would say to the cast/director because that was the worst performance they've every seen. Blah blah blah.  At the intermission my mom left to 'stretch her legs', Lyle went to get snacks leaving me and Jana to handle the sisters.  Jana and I texted back and forth about how were going to get them to settle and keep away from the cast after while the sisters discussed stupid things that I'm not posting on this.  The play resumed and when it was finally over Jana and I dragged them back to the cars before damage could be done.


Saturday was the blue grass music and fireworks at Ira Allen.  Jana had given me a new book to read (The Hunger Games which I highly recommend!!) so I brought it to the park to read.  Myrl and I do not get along.  We had an incident a last year and I refuse to be near her.  So I give myself props for being around her and almost nice to her.  She was pushing it though. She was never born with manners or kindness or anything good really.  She informed me that she is a size 0 all night long and kept asking how long its been since I was that size. Now you may say 'Oh Bec, she's just old.' No.  She has always been like that.  Ask anyone.  And after a while that really starts to get on your nerves so I moved about 10 feet away from her but that just didn't stop her!  GAH!  Lyle wasn't there that night and we usually pal around together so I had nothing to do but listen to her criticize my everything.  By the end of the night it was a miracle she was still alive...


Sunday Dinner with everyone!  Usually those are fun!  We have them every Sunday but our numbers are about 30ish people so it was fun to double that.  There are too many of us so we eat outside in the carport.  That's where we all were when Leonda (My Aunt) came screaming out from the house.  My grandma had collapsed. When we ran inside she was 2 feet away from where she collapsed 2 Christmass' ago.  When this whole mess really started.  We all panicked.  With Afton around my Grandma and her try to out do each other such as, who can work the longest at the hospital, who can eat the less, who can quilt more quilts, who can do better than the other.  This has been going on my whole life, BTW.  I guess those 2 had tried to see who could not eat the longest causing my Grandma to collapse from dehydration... Can you see my eyes rolling?  Yeah well we got some water in her and fixed her a plate to eat.  But Afton didn't eat so neither did my Grandma.  And half of my family is stupid.  They didn't even know what was wrong.  Including my most 'favorite' uncle, Steve.  This caused some fights when Suzy (my other Aunt) and I called him out on it... fun night.  Oh, and Myrl has a cabin.  It's a sore spot cuz it's supposed to be my Grandma's....long story... but at dinner Myrl wanted Lyle and I to go up and open up the cabin so we could go up Tuesday... Me and my big fat mouth started whining.  I hate the cabin.  Everyone does.  If I really do go to Hell it will be that cabin...  Lyle just laughed because he's never been up there.  I guess Myrl over heard me and threw some food and stormed out.  She has yet to speak to me again... oh the horror... ;D


My emotions were way wacked from everything and I honestly don't remember what we did Monday...



Tuesday, the big day.  We always go up the canyon.  It's my Grandma's favorite thing to do.  So we all go out to lunch....even Myrl... and go see Barbra so those 4 can do whatever while Mom and Jana go sneaking around Barbra's house (it used to belong to my mom's grandma where they were all pretty much raised.  So those 2 were having a blast creeping into the basement and reliving old memories)  Lyle and I couldn't care less so we slept outside on the grass.  Then when that was all done we went back to my Grandma's to rest and wait for our families so we could all go up the canyon.  Phone rings, "Oh Stacy!  I don't know what we're doing!!  This is such a mess!  Just count me and Steve out.  I just don't think we can make it!'' Gotta love Karen. Phone rings again, "Oh Becs, my kids are driving me crazy!  I don't think we are coming...SO sorry! ...But uh...you're coming Sunday right?"  And this goes on and on and on.  Not even half of my family came.  You know, my mom only worked everything out on facebook and made sure we did it when everyone could make it.  Just for everyone to cancel.  Oh and don't forget this is most likely my Grandma's last birthday.... they couldn't even come....



Wednesday I locked myself in my room and refused to come out.  I needed my space.


Thursday we had lunch with mom, Grandma, Afton, Jana, Lyle and Jill, Afton's oldest daughter.  You see, Afton lived with Jill for years which is way hard!  Props to Jill!!  But Afton had to be stupid and do stupid things so Jill just said 'If you hate it here so much then just leave'.  So she did but no one would take her in so now Afton lives in a Rest Home.  This lunch was to make Jill and Afton start talking again...  Didn't exactly go as planned....That's all I'll say bout that one....



Whew! 

Today, since Mom and I are so amazing ;) we are taking ourselves to the Tim McGraw concert tonight as a reward!!!  YAY!!! 

And tomorrow Jana and I are going to Charlie St. Cloud as another celebration that this week is over!! Trust me, that's how I got through this week!

Thinking of you...

Well i know they say all goods things
Must come to some kind of ending
We were so damn good, i guess we never stood a chance
Gonna find what you’ve been missin
When that highway's tired of listenin
You’ll see i’m not that easy to forget


When a new moon shines through your window
Or you hear a sad song on the radio
Then you don’t know why you but just start to cry
Or you're driving round on a sunny day
And outta nowhere comes the pouring rain
Then a memory hits you right out of the blue
Thats just me
Thinking of you


I’m not gonna try to stop you
Don’t mean that i don’t want too
If i know you, you’ve already made up your mind
To go on and go with your rebelieving
But a million miles between us
But you still feel me like i’m right there at your side


When a new moon shines through your window
Or you hear a sad song on the radio
Then you don’t know why but you just start to cry
Or your driving round on a sunny day
And outta nowhere comes the pouring rain
Then a memory hits you right out of the blue
Thats just me
Thinking of you


And i’m thinkin about the road you're on
I’m thinkin about you coming home
I’m wondering if you got your radio on


When you find your way to another town
An someone tries to lay it down
And feelin hits you right out of the blue
Its just me
Thinking of you
Thats just me
Thinking of you.

Soccer

So I love soccer! 
Watching the World Cup was the highlight of my summer.  That was all I did -go ahead, ask my mom, she couldn't get me off the couch even if the house was on fire- there wasn't a world outside my house and TV when the games were on!
I have to say though, I'm highly dissapointed. 
These are MEN! 
Why couldn't they act like it?!  Every contact they made they were checking their body for any form of blood or injury.  All they wanted was a foul or a card for the other team.  It was pathetic.  It got old fast.  These are the best in the world and they were playing the rules.  They train for 3 years to be here.  Their country is standing behind them, cheering them on and what do they do?  Trip themselves and roll on the ground like they were shot or something.  (can you tell it bothered me)
Last saturday was the Germany - Urguay game.  They were my favorite teams so of course they didn't win. Isn't that how it always goes?  Anyway I had to record the game (Horror, I know) it was the Scotish Festival in Payson and if you're a Hancock, you're at the park all day long.  Last night I finally had a moment, ok 90 moments, to sit and watch it and I must say I am so very proud to call Germany my favorite team of all time!  They actually played the game!!!  There were what, 2 yellow cards, not that many fouls and whenever someone was knocked over someone was there to help them back up!  I'm proud of those 2 teams and THAT game was how the final should have been!
Now, 2014 Germany better win!!!!!!  GO GERMANY!!!  WOOT WOOT!
PS. isn't it kinda scary how annoying those horn things were and by the last 3 games you couldn't even hear them....maybe I'm going deaf....

Sickness

No, it's not the Swine Flu again.  It's not a cold, not the allergies, not anything like that.

To be honest.  I'm not sure what it is.  I swear I nearly died during the Ragnar race this past weekend.  I was offered the chance for an IV but I knew if I took it I couldn't finish the race, my legs would be given to the rest of the team to run.  I couldn't do that. Not to them.  They were doing everything they could, I couldn't add to that.

I worked my butt off my senior year at MATC just knowing that I would get a job faster then I could blink my eyes.  I have now applied for over 20 different jobs.  I have yet to even have a single interview.  My mom keeps finding new jobs for me, keeps getting so happy she can't stop smiling.  And every time I sit on the couch all day long for weeks on end staring at the phone praying to God that it just might ring.  Every time the phone stays silent.  Every time I feel like I let my mom down.  That I some how have failed her yet again. 

Now hush, I know I haven't really failed her like that, that in our world it doesn't matter what you know, just who you know.  And even if you know some of the right people, they just can't afford to hire someone new.

I was in orchestra for countless years in school.  I tried so hard at first to be the best.  To make everyone proud of me.  To prove I could do something good.  And after some time it hit me that there were other kids that we just better than me.  That I could never be as good as them.  By the time we were in high school I had completely given up, I didn't even try anymore.

I just feel sick all the time.  Not barfing, running nose, headaches.  No, not like that.  It's more like no matter how hard I try, how hard I work for a race, how good I make my resume look, how much I practice that it just doesn't matter.  No one notices, no one cares.  The only time anyone cares is when I let them down.  It's hard.  I don't like it.  I know in time it will all be better.  That everything works out in the end.  I just hate this in between thing going on here. 
I just need a cure to this sickness.

Ragnar 2010

We did it! We actually did it!  And I believe (ask Alex to be sure) that we did the entire Ragnar Race in 30(ish) hours!!!  How awesome is that?!  Pretty awesome!  It was a crazy race.  A horrible, hot, draining, stupid race.  But the team did amazing!  I'm so proud of them all!  Alex has done it now 3 times, and everyone else in the photo, well, it was all our first time!  I honestly don't know if I'll do it again. But I'm so happy that I did do it this year!  It was a great two days and when we weren't running it was a lot of fun!  So many good memories!!!  Now.... for an ice bath........

Snowbird

The cool air resting on your skin, the smell of chlorine from the pool below, squeals of delights from the little ones, the crash of the cart in the door way, beds being jumped upon, the fridge getting stocked for the week, bags and clothes thrown in every possible direction, someone crying from being stuck in the stairs again, soft pillows flying through the air like missiles, warmth escaping from the fireplace, swimsuits being pulled from a bag and racing to be the first to the bathroom, sunscreen lathered skin, the ice machine roaring to life in the hallway, a moment of silence? please?, kids ready to go swim, no swimming 'till the morning, many temper tantrums, calls for the beds and blankets, TV blaring upstairs, oven heating a cold pizza, night engulfing everything and everyone, soft snores slink down the stairs, finally a moment of peace, a bad dream, every one's up, hours trickle by, peace once again, the sun winking awake, moans of stiffness, milk and cereal being poured, searching for a small place to crash, screams of happiness ringing in every one's ears, swimsuits being pulled out once again, diving competitions, more sunscreen, kids everywhere, cold feet run up the cement stairs, hearing the boulders crash in the water all day long, ding ding, the smell of food, a race to the plates, porcupine coming over to visit, and repeat. Race down the mountain, throw the stinky clothes in the wash and rest for the morning to come, camel pack on, bandanna check, hop in the jeep, hike our mountain, chill on top, the sun warming our skin, a deep breathe, finally some time to relax, soggy homemade sandwiches, cold water and hike back down. Pack the clean clothes, leg muscles crying out in pain, gas up the car, drive up the canyon, back in the room, smells from the beginning of week tickle the senses, pictures from New York being passed around, race to get to the pool, feet dragging down the stairs, complaints raise from the girls, cold cement, warm water, rain playing games in the water, fog rolling down into the pool, squeals of delight, cedar wood fills the air, hot air filling the lungs, suits and hair dry out, hot pizza calling our names from 3 floors above, hearty laughs, moments of silence, true happiness finally found, sun falling asleep in the fog, moon nowhere to be seen, snores and peace tickle the air, hours slinking to the past, light forcing it's way through the clouds, cries of sadness, everything  packed, everything cleaned, bags hauled up and out, the cars warming up below, the slam of the door, the cool air begging you to stay, goodbye hugs until next year.

Be safe.

I'm not sure what to say. I don't know how to word this. But I do know that life isn't fair. God works in some hard ways. And sometimes, life is made so much harder then needs be.
Late last week I got some very hard news and I wont share the details but I feel like this story needs to told, to be warned to others.
A good friend of mine that I haven't spoken to in far too long was injured. You see, his mom and my mom were great friends growing up and it just so happened that they both had kids only months apart. Therefore we became friends. And good friends too. But he lived in Orem, I in Springville. Sports became a part of his life as orchestra and running became mine. Time and space grew between us.
Last Thursday my mom got a call from his mom. She was in tears and could barely speak. Some weeks before my friend and his father needed a break and headed to the Dunes for the weekend. They were smart, they were protected. But that still wasn't enough.
He crashed.
He is paralyzed. For life. His spine is crushed and gone, now replaced with two rods. He will never walk again. Never be able to serve a mission. Never have kids. He didn't deserve this. No one does. I'm begging you all who read this. Whatever you do, please be safe. Think before you do something. And if you feel like maybe it isn't the best idea, maybe you shouldn't do it. You never know what could happen, what could be changed, what could possibly end.
I don't ever want this to happen to anyone else. So please, biking, four wheeling, skiing, whatever it is that you do, please be safe. Think before. Not after.
His life will never be the same. Nor will his family.

Picture Day

Today has been a crazy day. It's been a crazy week. I would really love to explain everything here on this blog/sorta journal but I have no idea how to put everything into words. I figured that a picture is worth a thousand words so here are a few photos.

Provo Half Marathon

I know, I know. It took me forever to get on here and post. I apologize.

ANYWAY!

May 1st Kaylee Turner and I did our first ever half marathon! It was crazy!!!! The weather was so nasty! When it wasn't snowing or raining we were running through puddles that were EVERYWHERE and it was insane! But we made a little running group and with our amazing Gummy Bears (THANK YOU TAIRSA!!!) we pulled through it all! Kaylee's dad also ran it. He finished about an hour before us and came back for us! He seriously helped us those last 2 miles and made us keep running when we were ready to die. He also got second place in his age group!! YAY!!!! Kaylee and I finished super strong and yet, we ended up falling over onto the fence 'cause we couldn't stand any longer. It was funny at the time. Now I look back and think it was actually sad that we couldn't even stand....

Really, to be honest tho, it was fun. I know, let me repeat myself. It. Was. Fun!!! We really did love it! Our time was 2 hours and 32 minutes! For our first race and considering the weather....not too bad! I loved it! And for our final race together, it was great!

Loved the race, loved the friends we made, loved doing my last race with my running buddy, Kaylee ''KK'' Turner!

Ever had one of those days?

Well, I've had one of those months...

"I'm learning to fall, I can't hardly breathe.

When I'm going down don't worry about me.

Don't try this at home.

You said you don't see,

I don't want to know that you know,

It should have been me."

"I walk a lonely road.

Tho only one that I have ever know.

Don't know where it goes,

But it's only me and I walk alone....

My shadow's the only one that walk beside me.

My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating.

Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me.

'Till then I walk alone."

"If the coulds don't clear,

Then we'll rise above it, we'll rise above it.

Heavens gate is so near.

Come walk with me through,

Just like we use to, just like we use to.

Let's take it back.

Before it all went wrong."

Epicness

This is beyond Epic! I laugh everytime!
Enjoy! :DDD

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mYE4XSMTAmU

Something odd

Last night I was watching Twilight and New Moon in my room. Both my cats were asleep on my bed with me but everytime Jacob Black or one of the pack came on the screen Tink and Gus would wake up and stare at the screen in horror! As soon as Jacob left, my cats would fall back asleep.
Odd?
I think so.

:D

"Get that out of my face!"

"It's not in your face. It's in my hand."

"Get what's in your hand OUT OF MY FACE!"

Panic Moment

This coming May Kaylee and I are running our first half marathon. We were oober pumped for it! Running twice a day and working out, we couldn't get more prepared for it! Then about 3 weeks ago Kaylee started having serious pain in her legs. Then last week I went on my morning 5-8 mile run. As I was jumping a fence and, well, lets just say that I pulled a "Becca Moment'' and fell off the top fence. Split my knee clean open and a possible bruised rib. I had to take about a week off. Today is my first day I could go on an easy run. But it's raining. Kaylee now may have a stress fracture and needs rest. We have 32 days until the race.
Can I say....
PANIC MOMENT!!!!

Nuff said....

Still day dreaming...

It's been over a week since I got to meet and talk to Apolo Anton Ohno. I still can't believe it!!! Everyone I talk to is getting super annoyed that I'm still talking about it, but I'm still talking about, and I think I will be until the day I die... ;)
Every morning I wake up and think, Nah, it was just a pretty amazing dream. Then I look at my shirt that Apolo signed hanging on the corner of my bed. And the autograph photo on my bookself. And all the photos laying around my room of that amazing day. That's when I realize that it really did happen!!!! I did get to meet Apolo and talk to him for a little while!!
I have yet to stop smiling and I tend to skip everywhere I go now! Happy happy happy happy happy happy happy!!!!!!!! I'm sorry you all have to deal with me, but....
I GOT TO MEET AND TALK TO APOLO ANTON OHNO!!!!!!!!!!!

This is one of my most favorite things Apolo has ever said and I hope you enjoy it too!
"Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising everytime we fall! Have NO regrets!"
-Apolo Anton Ohno

The BEST day of my LIFE!!!

Today mom and I got up early to go see Apolo up in SLC. We got to sit and watch him go around the ice for a while and workout on a bike before we all went downstairs into the tunnel to film one of the commercials. There were about a hundred people down there.... And we didn't all work together very well, we had to practice walking and screaming Apolo's name. Sad, I know. I was so happy I couldn't stand still! After a few minutes of him talking to the camera crew he moved behind the stairs and began to sign photos and such for us crazy fans. Mom and I made friends with most of Apolo's crew and talked for the what, hour?, we waited to see him. Not 8 people infront of us when the body guard told us Apolo was leaving. My jaw totally dropped! I was trying so hard not to cry, and I didn't, but I sure wanted to...Mom decided to go ask one of the body guards for a photo cuz we thought those two body guards were AWESOME!!! SO what does the guy do? Oh, he grabbed my camera out of my hand and ran to grab Apolo and took a photo of him for us!!!! Crazy, huh!!?? Mom and I were just in shock! Then when we finally stopped laughing we told him thank you but we just wanted a photo with him! He laughed and posed for us! It was awesome!

So I was sad tho. Very sad that I didn't get to really see the man who is my role model! Mom and I were almost to the car when I realized I forgot my jacket in the tunnel. I ran down and meet some of the crew again and the girl over everything. When I asked her if she had seen it she said no. I nodded and turned away starting to cry. Not only did I lose my jacket, I lost the one thing I ever really wanted. A hug from Apolo. But that lady grabbed me and whispered in my ear, "Grand America. 6 o'clock. Then you'll be able to see him." I turned to face her and I couldn't really speak! Mom and I were just starring at her! We started talking and I told her what Apolo really meant to me. And she made sure that I had a pass to see him!

I still couldn't believe it! My day was just getting even better!! Mom and I ran to the Grand America and stood around for a good 2 hours. We had made friends with another mom there and she kept teasing me that Apolo was behind me everytime I turned around. Being a tad annoyed I kept my back against the wall. We started saying how typical it was that Apolo was late, he is a man after all! ;) Just then here he comes walking down the hall. All of us were just sitting there starring at him! I finally made myself wave and he came over and asked how I was doing.... Know what I said? "Ummmmmmm........" Yup. I couldn't remember how to speak!!! He laughed and kept walking. After he turned the corner I began to laugh my head off. Talk about a blonde moment!

Then finally that girl that was over all the things going on today grabbed me, mom and the friend we made and pulled outside. It was time for the next commercial! Models were everywhere and just a few of us normal people! When Apolo came back out I started to freak, again.!! He smiled at me and we started to shoot the commercial. We had a few mess ups but I didn't care! Apolo Anton Ohno was 3 feet away from me! It was crazy! And after I got to go up to him and talk to him!!! I told him how he is the best role model and how nice it is to see someone come from the very same past as myself and rise to such amazing-ness!!! I told him he could never understand how much he means to me. Know what he said to me? "Thank you! And YOU will never know how much that means to me." Then he signed my most favorite running shirt and I also got a photo with him! BEST. DAY. EVER.

Apolo, I love you! Thank you for the BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!!!!!!!!

Gotta love living in Utah....

HOOOOOTTT POOOCCKKEEEETTTTTSSSS

I love this....:D :D :D :D :D

Enjoy!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=xaLpVzPxY6w

Music Video Time!!!

I'm not going to say anything...I want you to be amazed while watching the BEST music video...EVER!!! haha jk!
Enjoy!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=is6gtilerPk

Teehee!!!

I am an only child. I get bored too easy. Yesterday was one of those days. Mom had left early in the morning and in this tiny house of mine, if one is up, both are up. So I climbed out of my bed and started to laugh like an evil genius! With a marker in hand I knew what I would do... Here is a photo of my evil-ness.....

Lame. I know. I've done much better. Alas, the look on my mom's face when she saw these, priceless! For some strange reason she thought some kid had done this and their mother brought them back to the store.

Now first, she has used these eggs before, 5 times.

Second, KID?! Really? I thought they are better than that....

Third....who takes eggs back to the store?!

Anyways....Two of my little monsters have been killed. I plan to avenge them....

Somewhat Healthy Cookies!

So these are my favorite kind of cookies! Here's the recipe for it! Breanna, Dianna, and everyone else, I hope you like 'em too!

2 cups - Flour

1 teaspoon - cinnamon

1/4 teaspoon - nutmeg

1 and 1/2 teaspoon - salt

1 teaspoon - baking powder

1 cup - sugar

1/2 - butter

1/2 - applesauce

about 3 mashed bananas

2 eggs

2 cups - rolled oats

and a bag of chocolate chips!

bake at 375 degrees for 10-12 minutes

And while you are waiting for those to bake... watch this super cute music video! -Thanks Alecia!

www.youtube.come/watch?v=WIwA0zRW8Es

Tisk Tisk

It has come to my attention that some of you do not know Apolo Anton Ohno. He is truly amazing!! I have been a fan of him since his first Olympics in 2002. I could not meet him then but I do have some photos in my scrapbook! teehee ;) He is now the best short track speed skater winning 7 medals! 2 Gold, 2 Silver and 3 Bronze! Some of you may know him from Dancing with the Stars, which he was truly amazing and melted my heart every week! Here are some pics of him and some of his quotes!! Enjoy!

Do I need to say anything?

Tee hee! I have those shorts! :D

He is sOoOoOoOo cute!!!

Truly amazing!

Oh man, that smile.....

"We are all Carriers of our own struggles. Climbing our own mountains, maybe we cant see the peak, but we MUST carry the struggle further!"

-Apolo Ohno

Apolo loves his chocolate!

Hmmmmm....

This is one of my most favorite of him!

Apolo and his daddy!

Hot dang...

Signing his plane!

How cool is that?!

"With out struggle- there is no satisfaction."

-Apolo Ohno

It's not fair how cute he is....

Mmmmhhmmmm!

Look at him! I'm in love!

Apolo and a team mate after winning Silver and Bronze!

"I choose to be free, because only then can I love. Am free to love!"

-Apolo Ohno

7th medal earned!

Run, Apolo, RUN!

"Replace every negative thought with a positive one, approach today with a determined attitude and be happy about the challenge!"

-Apolo Anton Ohno